Sissy's First Day

Its official, we survived the first day of Kindergarten!  Well, Sissy did much more than survive, she thrived.  Despite some butterflies and trepidation this morning, Sissy looked calm and confident as she walked into her class.  When I picked her up, she was all smiles!  She was so proud of her good behavior stamp.  She even exclaimed, "I wish it was yesterday so I could be back at school right now."  ;)  I am fairly certain she meant tomorrow.  All evening she kept asking if it was night yet because, "I can't wait for it to be the next day of kindergarten."  For my shy child this is nothing short of miraculous! 

My feelings about kindergarten are a bit more complicated.  I am shocked that the sweet baby girl I gave birth to is a tall, well spoken, precocious kindergartener.  Its seems like only yesterday she was an infant snuggled in my arms, a wobbly toddler, an inquisitive pre-schooler.  I'm not sure how she grew up so fast, but I really don't approve.  On the other hand, I am so proud of the little girl she has become.  She is smart, funny, and a joy to be around.  I am so excited to watch her blossom even more as she learns new things this next year.  I can't wait to have her read me books, practice math problems, and quote science facts.  I am confident she will excel and develop a deep love for learning.  

Underneath all the other emotions is a deep and overwhelming sadness.  I am going to miss my little girl desperately!   With Sissy, I was given the utterly unique gift of raising a person who would become my best friend, a person I had waited my entire life to meet.  Sure, I am her caregiver.  I set boundaries.  I discipline her when I have to.  Ultimately though, we've spent most of the last 5 years talking, playing, and having fun together.  We "get" each other.  We share countless inside jokes.  We both enjoy books,

crafting, snuggling, puzzles, chocolate and romantic movies.  We treasure our time together.  When the twins were born, she was only four and yet she was a great source of sanity for me.  She loved them like they were her own boys, and felt tremendous pride.  We talk about how fast they are growing, and reminisce about how cute they were as babies.  She tells their names when strangers ask, and loves showing off how many words they can say.  She is the cutest miniature mama.  Somehow, she has always seemed a bit like an adult trapped in a tiny body.  Short of my husband, that tiny adult is my favorite person be with.  Now with her gone at school, there is a great void left behind.  Oh, and also deafening silence.  Literally.  Sissy started talking four and a half years ago and never stopped.  I know it is selfish and irrational, but I am literally jealous of her time away.  I am just so very accustomed to spending each waking moment with her.

All that said, I love my boys very very much and I am looking forward to some one on two time.  Somehow its just different with them.  From day one with the twins, I felt like their Mama, provider, protector, nurturer.  But they are a bit foreign to me.  They are wild, unrelenting waves crashing on my shore, or in other words, boys.  I know that over the next few years I will grow increasingly close to them.  I know that with Sissy gone, they will likely develop language at lightening speed.  I know that both the twins and myself with adapt to a different and much quieter home life.  I know that we will go on playdates, create inside jokes, and build a deep appreciate for action movies.  I know that we will find our own routine.  Tomorrow, I will wake up with a plan for our "new" adventure, but for tonight, I will mourn the loss of Sissy time.